The beginning of this week was really difficult for me. I had my surgery to remove some scar tissue from my uterus. Both my local doctor and my doctor in Seattle require my uterus be clear of all scar tissue before I can proceed with my FET in April. I’m hoping this will be the last surgery I need until then. I felt some really low lows this week, but I’m happy to say at least this week ended well.
Catch-up on Previous FET Prep Posts
Countdown Until FET: 81 days (as of 02-03-2020)
On Monday I had my hysteroscopy surgery, to clear the scar tissue from my uterus. My most recent miscarriage in September resulted in this third surgery. Three subsequent surgeries for only one miscarriage, and that doesn’t even count all the other surgeries I had before those three. When I woke up from surgery I remember saying to the nurse how painful it was, and it was more painful than the other ones. They gave me some oral pain medicine after the surgery but it didn’t kick in until I got home. Normally with my other surgeries I request hydrocodone, but this one I chose not to. My doctor said Ibuprofen should be good enough.
I went to work the next day and did some physical work cleaning. But after one hour of cleaning I started to feel really wiped out and was hurting, I think I overdid it. Normally after my surgeries I take time off work, but I decided not to this time because with my SIS procedure and now this hysteroscopy, among other bills I just could not justify not working. I absolutely had to continue working to pay all the bills coming my way. I also had to clean up the house a bit before we left on vacation, and pack. I did a whole lot of bitching and crying this week from the intermittent pain.
I called my doctor’s office Thursday to ask for some hydrocodone but my doctor was out for the weekend. I could not get the medicine at all due to me needing to leave on Friday. I learned that narcotics can’t be called in to a pharmacy due to needing the paper copy to be brought in-person. So right now I only have ibuprofen to help with the occasional pain.
I’ve been dealing with a low-grade depression since September, when I had my most recent miscarriage. But with this surgery I had this week and all of the stress that comes with this process, my depression really reared its ugly head. I haven’t felt that deep of a depression in almost a decade. I think it was just an accumulation of all the miscarriages, fertility treatments, and the large amount of debt that accumulated so quickly this previous week.
I was stressed, angry, and not getting enough sleep. I was working every day of the week after my surgery, despite the pain. I was feeling so incredibly overwhelmed and really feeling like there was very little hope of pulling myself out of it. As much as I wanted to lie in bed for the next month, I decided to do the exact opposite of how I was feeling. I pulled myself out of bed and slowly got started cleaning. I cleaned the house during the hours that my ibuprofen was working the most. I made some progress and took a step back to look at the progress. It felt pretty good to get at least something accomplished even though I felt like garbage. That was the first little glimmer of hope I had.
My to-do list was still long but I was determined to knock out one thing at a time. One-by-one I completed most of the things on my list that I wanted to do before my trip. Instead of forcing myself to get everything done, I chose to put off certain things that could wait until later. I think for anyone that is feeling overwhelmed or depressed, start with one simple task. Then prioritize just a few other tasks. Don’t worry about doing it all, because if you don’t set realistic expectations you’re just setting yourself up for failure. In the end I was able to do about 90% of what I needed to before the trip, not too shabby.
I also got the call back from my doctors office and my nurse explained to me that they found out it was simply scar tissue and not uterine cancer. I immediately felt a huge wave of relief. This is the second time they were concerned about me developing uterine cancer and I have gotten the all clear. I’m feeling very lucky and grateful right now.
Trip to Nevada
I had a true turnaround with how my week was going. I went from feeling so depressed at the beginning of the week, to feeling so happy and centered by the end of the week. The timing of my trip could not have been any better. As soon as my butt was in the seat of that plane I breathed a sigh of relief. My only regret with planning this trip is I wish I would have planned it for about two or three weeks earlier, due to the weather we were experiencing in Alaska.
January is notorious for being the worst month to live in Alaska. It’s one of the darkest and coldest times of year. We had a cold snap where it was -10 to -18 at times. Although December is the darkest month, with winter solstice having about 5.5 hours of sunlight, at least there are the holiday festivities and it is not quite as cold. In addition to my good old fashioned depression, I might have some Seasonal Affective Disorder as well. As soon as I felt the Nevada sun warming my pale arms from the window of my plane, I felt like I was starting to come back to life.
We are visiting Kurtis’ mom and step-dad in Pahrump, just outside of Las Vegas. We’ll be staying in Las Vegas near the end of our trip. Saturday we drove out to Tecopa, California, which is not that long of a drive from Pahrump. We visited a farm where they grow dates out in the middle of the desert. Kurtis and I hiked a trail right next to the date farm. It was out in the desert, surrounded by mountains and ancient riverbeds. I have always loved the desert. I feel like I am on Mars, it’s so drastically different from Alaska. I don’t think I’d last a second out here though if it was in the middle of the summer. But it was a comfortable 70 degrees on our hike, the perfect temperature I think.
We finished up the week with Super Bowl Sunday. Kurtis & I are fans of the 49ers so it was a big deal that our team made it to the Super Bowl. Even though our team lost, it was still fun to watch. We wore our 49ers shirts and watched the game with his mom and her friends. Kurtis is a die-hard fan. He will yell and scream with excitement for every touchdown, field goal, and any gain of yardage. When his mom’s friends left a little before the end of the game Kurtis said to me, “I hope I didn’t scare them away with my yelling,” I just laughed and said “You probably did.” Back home he would watch the games every Sunday, Monday and Thursday and be yelling at his players, the other team, and the ref’s. Even when I wear my noise-cancelling headphones I can still hear him whooping and hollering. I’m not sure if they actually make noise-cancelling headphones that truly block out all the noises of a superfan. A week or so before the Superbowl I showed Kurtis some YouTube videos of sports fans losing their s**t. I told him, “I’m happy you aren’t like those crazy guys.” We thought those videos were hilarious and we had full-on belly laughs with tears watching these. Amazingly there is a treasure trove of many videos of fans going ballistic, I highly recommend checking those out if you need a good laugh.
Mini Victories for the Week
I did not take any time off from work after my surgery. Gotta pay those bills!
I went from being emotionally overwhelmed, to feeling a lot better by the end of the week.
Got out hiking in the sun.
Chose not to have alcohol at all this week so I can stay on track with my FET prep.
Keeping up with most of my supplements.
Work in Progress
I’ve been a little lax with how I’ve been eating this week. I’ll allow some wiggle room with how I’m eating, so as not to stress myself out while I’m on vacation.
Opt for veggies as much as possible while on vacation, including salads, and veggie side dishes.
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