(Entry written prior to posted date).

Today was the big day, my first egg retrieval surgery. They retrieved five eggs, which is right about what they were expecting based on my recent ultrasounds I’ve had leading up to today. I felt like I waited so long to have my surgery due to the cyst on my ovary delaying everything for about three weeks.

 

 

Originally they were expecting 10 eggs to be retrieved based on my age. But now I’m thinking they didn’t factor in my AMH level into this. So when they told me they got five eggs I was content with that. I was happy that I was finally on the path of what will hopefully lead me to a baby. I will be hearing back tomorrow about the number of eggs that were successfully fertilized.

 

 

For now I am just resting in the hotel, watching reruns of Jersey Shore. I know, I know. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine, what can I say. Weirdly, I get a sense of comfort when I watch the screaming sessions and crying meltdowns. It somehow reminds me of home, not because we scream at each other and I cry, but because I loved watching this show back home. Kurtis is calm as a cucumber, we rarely ever have a disagreement. Not to mention the anesthesia is still swimming inside my brain, adding a nice pillowy feeling in my ears when the self-proclaimed Guidos on TV puff up and scream at each other. Ahh, what a lovely way to relax.

 

 

My pain level is about a 2 out of 10 with the pain medicine, and when the medicine wears off it’s about a 3 out of 10. So the pain isn’t really as bad as I imagined. If I were to categorize the pain in different way it would be in between the pain of a hysteroscopy (not bad) and a D&C (moderately painful). After my many surgeries due to complications from my multiple miscarriages, I’ve learned that I tend to have a weak stomach for anesthesia so I always request anti-nausea medicine during the surgery. It seems to really help. It’s kind of sad that I’ve developed a sense of routineness around all these surgeries, but I suppose it’s better than getting stressed out.

 

I’m trying to stay hopeful through this process, despite the odds being stacked against me. Here are some of the things I’ve been telling myself to try to stay positive:

• I’m glad they decided to double my dose of Follistim. Maybe I wouldn’t even have these 5 eggs had they not done that.
• If it fails at least they will have a much better gauge on how to adjust my medication for next time.
• I’m very happy I paid for two rounds up front to save money, especially considering my low AMH level. It was a good decision.
• I have an amazing support network of many people rooting for us.
• Doing IVF lowers my risk of a miscarriage and the complications that come with it. Each time I had a loss I needed surgeries to correct the scar tissue buildup.
• I am so happy I received an IVF grant that helped me tremendously to be able to afford IVF.

Staying positive and remembering those thoughts in the hardest of times can help ease the pain of another letdown. I am far from a Pollyanna, especially in regards to my fertility issues. But I believe that you can always find the silver lining if you look hard enough.

Thank you for reading.

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