(Entry written prior to posted date).
How would I define my own journey with infertility? Imagine you are strapped into the World’s most extreme roller coaster ride. Even on a day-to-day basis my emotions could be anywhere from pure bliss from my positive pregnancy result, followed shortly after with deep sadness over another loss. I’ve become a master at being cautiously optimistic these days. I still find great joy with each positive pregnancy test, despite my fertility history of recurrent miscarriages. The IVF process is also much the same, except the stakes are even higher.
Tens of thousands of dollars are on the line for my particular IVF treatment plan. As most of you know, I have been diagnosed with a low ovarian reserve due to a low Anti-Mullerian Hormone level. In other words, I have little time left for the possibility of having biological children. We still plan on adopting children in the future as well. But I want to look back on my life and know that I unequivocally did all that I could to make my dream possible. IVF is a part of that plan.
Some people say they are amazed at everything I’ve been through. I’ve been told things like “you are so strong.” Anyone who has dealt with adversity in their life will often tell you they had no choice other than to be strong. Another word for strength that I think is the ultimate form of true strength is the word resilient. Of course I have my terrible days, everyone does, but I try to view my struggles as something that is building me up and not tearing me down. I always try to ask myself with any issue I face, “What would a resilient person do in this situation?” Strength is not the absence of emotion, but using that emotion to create something bigger than ourselves.
With all that said, let’s get into how I resolved my issue of running out of IVF medication from yesterday. The good news – I called my fertility clinic first thing this morning and they have enough Menopur samples to give me for the next couple days. The bad news – they do not have any Omnitrope for me at all, and I’ll need to wait until my delivery arrives by mail. The nurse I spoke with calmed my nerves about missing out on my Omnitrope by letting me know that my IVF cycle wouldn’t be cancelled over it. It was such a relief to hear this because I was worried I had ruined my entire IVF cycle. She said, “You weren’t on Omnitrope with your last round, and you were still able to get one embryo.” This really helped put my mind at ease. Instead of thinking that Omnitrope was absolutely necessary for my egg retrieval to work, I should have been thinking about how it was just one out of a handful of medications that were helping the process. It wasn’t a make-or-break thing by going a couple days without the Omnitrope.
So after the getting the good news about Menopur being in stock at the clinic, I started to get ready to go pick it up. Mom and I ate our continental breakfast in the hotel room and watched talk show “The View.” Mom hadn’t ever watched it before, and I sometimes watch it. The reason I like the show is because they pose a question relating to some of the most controversial and important topics of the day and everyone at the table gives their input. On today’s show Whoopi Goldberg joked about how automatic driving cars has some worried about “sex in cars could lead to brothels on wheels.” And if that comment weren’t funny enough, my mom misunderstood what Whoopi said in the most hilarious way. Mom looked at me thoroughly confused. I could tell based on her expression that she misunderstood what Whoopi said. “Sex in cars could lead to waffles on wheels? I don’t get it” Mom said. I busted out laughing so hard, you know the type of laughing where you can barely breath for a minute or two. I managed to contain myself and wipe away the tears to explain what Whoopi actually said. We both had a really good laugh and I so needed it today with the stress IVF can bring.
The other thing I really enjoy is listening to Matt & Doree’s Eggcellent Adventure podcast about their infertility journey. There is something special about people who can turn their struggle into something that helps other people, while also making them laugh. I truly believe laughter is the best medicine. I think Matt & Doree have tapped into that concept to create great content for their listeners.
After I picked up my Menopur samples from the clinic, Mom and I walked around downtown. We stopped by The Cheesecake Factory, it was the first time I’ve ever been to one. We don’t have them back home. That was the absolute best Shepherd’s Pie I’ve had in my entire life, which reminds me I need to look up the restaurant knock-off recipe online. I also had their Oreo cheesecake. It’s the type of food that will put you into a totally blissed-out food coma.
After my fat-kid self was satisfied, Mom and I walked around and took in the beautiful sights of Seattle. Although I am not a fan of all the noisy construction in the city, it is bar none the most construction cranes I’ve ever seen in a city. The sheer volume of construction here is mind boggling.
I learned the other day that Amazon has much to do with the ever growing city skyline. Amazon has a headquarters here in Seattle and their influence over the city is massive. Ask any local and they seem to have a strong opinion about Amazon. Overall people are happy so many jobs were created, while at the same time infuriated over the increase in the cost of living. Many landlords saw the opportunity to cash in and dramatically increased their rental costs. Property costs have also increased and priced-out many locals who have to buy homes outside the city boundaries. Although I know that this happens with many places around the world, to see it happen at such a break-neck speed in this city is kind of sad. The city has a huge homeless population and I am sure the cost of living is a huge obstacle for people to move out of poverty. I’m a self-admitted economics nerd. I loved watching “The Big Short” and watching anything related to how economies function. It’s a part of history that we can all learn from that impacts us personally. Seattle is a great city to visit, but I can’t picture myself living here with the high cost of living.
So tonight I soldier onward with more needle pokes to my belly, minus the Omnitrope. But all in all it was a really nice day. I was fraught with distress last night over just having missed the pharmacy hours to phone in my prescription. But I managed to deal with the problem today, my egg retrieval surgery is still on, and I amazingly didn’t die as an end result from all the stress. Such is life on the roller coaster of infertility.
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Resilient indeed. Praying for you girl!