I went in to the Sonogram clinic yesterday for my first egg count and to make sure everything had cleared from my D&C in March. The sonographer kept focusing intensely on one area of my uterus for what seemed like an eternity. And with every other sonogram I’ve ever had, I quickly understand what is unsaid. My fertility specialist explained to me that it looks like my body still has products of conception remaining. If I don’t clear everything with this month’s cycle I will need, yet again, another surgery. That would be three surgeries in six months. I left the clinic so angry and pissed off, thinking about the cost of another surgery and just the fact that I have to go under anesthesia again. This can’t be good for my body. The surgery I would most likely need is a hysteroscopy with laparoscopy, been there done that, never got the T-shirt but who the hell would want that shitty T-shirt? But from what I understand it is actually quite common to need another procedure done when a D&C doesn’t clear everything. But holy shit my medical costs are drowning me, and I haven’t even begun the IVF process yet. My job is a stressful one and my husband does not want me taking on a second job to add to that stress. He wants me to look for a completely new job that pays better than the one I have now. I’ve tried looking but most do not pay as well as this one, so I guess I’ll keep looking. His work pays pretty decent and he pays pretty much all the bills, but does not have any left over to save for IVF. I pay for half the mortgage and the groceries. This also leaves me with extra money for fun stuff, like drowning in medical debt.

Starting this blog has been really nice for me. I have an outlet now that I did not have before. I can say exactly what’s on my mind. Before I would yammer in family and friend’s ears for God knows how long about this whole baby making process. Sometimes I would get great advice, sometimes terrible advice, and other times they would just sit there and I know they were thinking about other things yet I still continued to yammer. So being able to have normal conversations about everyday things has been very beneficial, instead of me spewing all my infertility thoughts all over them non-stop I just write about it in my blog.

My next appointment is April 18th, where I will have a SIS (again no T-Shirt, but I’ve been there before) to determine if I need another surgery or not. But so far it’s looking like I’ll just need to face the facts and deal with that reality.