(Entry written prior to posted date)
Wolves and orcas and bears, oh my! The nightmares abound when on IVF meds, or maybe it’s just me. I’ve heard other women also tend to have an increase in dreams that are absolutely terrifying when on IVF meds. My go-to nightmares tend to feature either a ravenous bear or a moose that wants to stomp the sh** out of me. I live in Alaska, so go figure. But tonight a few new killers decided to make an appearance, a pack of wolves stalked me through my home, and later I was out in open water being circled by an angry killer whale family. Needless to say I’ve been waking up shaking in a cold sweat more often lately. I’m prone to anxiety as it is, but add in the process of doing IVF and it just compounds all these crazy dreams. I’m hoping they will stop after I’m done with this egg retrieval.
I found out today that I have four mature eggs! That is two more than just the other day, for a girl with really low ovarian reserve I am pretty dang happy about that. There are also two more bitty eggs that are not quite big enough yet. I’m waiting for a call back on my blood results to see if I am going to be triggering soon.
Today I forgot to take my blood pressure medicine, which I think is why I’m feeling a little shaky. The doctor said my blood pressure looks good and is just a little high. Talk to your doctor about any medications you are currently on and whether they may affect your IVF process and pregnancy. I got on a blood pressure medicine that my doctor said is safe for pregnancy and has the added bonus of helping with my chronic headache issue.
So I lost a three pounds in two days, which I’m pretty sure is just water weight. I’ve gained a total of 10 pounds this cycle, but now have dropped down to seven pounds. My last cycle I gained six pounds. Just expect your weight to fluctuate rapidly when you do IVF and you won’t be surprised. Comfy pants are your friend.
If I were to summarize what IVF is like for someone who hasn’t experienced it, I’d say it’s equivalent to each and every planet aligning just perfectly. On good days I’ll beam with happiness and talk about the magical synchronicity of it all. On the not so good days, I talk about it in terms of it being one of the biggest gambles of my life, with odds favoring the house. Whatever cheesy metaphor you choose for the day, just know that a lot of this all boils down to your perception. I’m thankful I even get the opportunity to do this at all, let alone twice. Practicing gratitude helps drown out all the doubt. We all have a Debby Downer that can live in the back of our minds. Even if your doubt is rooted in “reality” and statistics, sometimes you just need to slap some duct tape across that Debbie Downer’s mouth. My way of doing that, at least for today, is to get out and explore the city.
Thank you for reading.