Remembering My Babies on October 15th

October 18, 2019 By julielikeswords in Uncategorized Tags: Infertility, Miscarriage, miscarriages, pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day, Pregnancy Loss, Pregnancy Loss Awareness 1 Comment

This was the first year I participated in the October 15th event of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I had to work that night and chose not to go downtown to participate in the community event, but I took the time to do this at home. I didn’t even realize a new miscarriage and infant loss group had started up again in my city. That group organized the event downtown for October 15th. A few years back I went to one of those meetings but I was only one of two people, shortly after I went I got a letter in the mail saying that group had ended. Maybe I’ll start going to the new group. The other reason I didn’t go downtown for the October 15th events is that I didn’t feel like sharing that moment of remembrance with strangers. I’m sure it could have been nice for some people, but I felt like this first year of doing it would be more meaningful if I did it at home.

Several things happened on the 15th that were really difficult, I’ll address those in a future post. But for this post, I wanted it to focus on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I wanted to light a candle for each of my pregnancy losses and remember each of them individually. I decided to take some photos to remember today. After nearly four years of infertility and six miscarriages, I finally decided to take part in my own way at home.

I used my Moroccan candle holder as the centerpiece, and put six tea light candles inside, each one representing one of my pregnancy losses. I lit each candle and took one minute between lighting each one to pause and remember each baby. I said a prayer for each one, each prayer slightly different than the last. There was something about this process that gave me a sense of peace and I could feel the heaviness in my heart lifting.

Lighting the candles one-by-one, saying a prayer for each of my babies.

I have a temporary keepsake box (good ol’ shoebox) of my letters, cards, ultrasound pictures, and this little stuffed elephant. Eventually I will get a nice keepsake box. I bought this elephant with my first baby and gave it to Kurtis when I first shared my pregnancy news with him. Someday this little elephant will be cuddled, drooled on, squished, and dragged around by my future baby. I put flowers around the candle holder to add some color and bring a delicate beauty to the centerpiece.

Overall I found the experience to be more emotional and meaningful than I had anticipated. Some women choose to honor their baby on the day they would have been born. Initially I had done something like that but after six losses I honestly cannot remember the dates. I think part of that is that I was emotionally blocking out that info. I plan on contacting my doctor in the future to find out this info so I can either buy or create a necklace with the birthstones for each one. I have a necklace with a birthstone for my first pregnancy loss but I haven’t added on to it. I believe it would have been too overwhelming for me to honor each of my babies at six different times throughout the year on their would-be birthday. So the idea of doing it once a year on October 15th is easier on me emotionally. I think it’s important to remember our babies and the hope that they brought to our lives. Just as when someone comes to the end of their life it’s important to remember the good moments. I remember the good moments of announcing the pregnancy news to Kurtis, family, and friends. I remember seeing strong heartbeats on the ultrasound that I never imagined possible, I saw this two times. Those heartbeats were a sign of hope.

Writing a letter “To each of my babies in heaven.” Writing a letter to your baby, to God, or journaling your emotions and thoughts can help you process the loss and feel more at peace.

It’s important to take care of yourself emotionally. I think participating in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is a way to stay connected to our past and not forget how strong each of us really are. If you’ve experienced this kind of loss just know that you are not alone and there are so many others out there going through the exact thing you are.

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Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day on October 15th

October 11, 2019 By julielikeswords in Uncategorized Tags: Infertility, Miscarriage, october 15 pregnancy and infant loss awareness day, october pregnancy and infant loss month, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness, pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, Pregnancy Loss, Pregnancy Loss Awareness, recurrent pregnancy loss Leave a comment

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Did you know that October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day? In 1988 President Ronald Reagan declared the month of October to be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. President Reagan gave the following speech on the subject:

“When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.

Now, Therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities” (October15th.com, 2019).

Years later in 2002, October 15th became the official day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. In 2004 the International Wave of Light is a global candlelight vigil, “Lighting begins at the International Date Line, in the first time zone, remaining lit a period of one hour, with the next time zone lighting respectively, moving through each time zone as the Wave of Light circumnavigates the globe. The result is a continuous chain of light encompassing and spanning across the world and around the globe for a 24-hour period, illuminating the night in love and light in honor and remembrance of our children” (Wikipedia, 2019). It is both a beautiful way to remember as well as feel a greater sense of connection to others who know exactly what you are going through.

5 Ways to Remember Your Baby

1) Light a single candle or one for each of your losses.

2) Write a letter to your baby or journal your feelings.

3) Share your story. Join a support group or talk with a friend you trust.

4) Make a donation to a charity in your baby’s honor.

5) Wear remembrance jewelry or clothing.

I have a necklace with simple silver wing with a diamond for the birthstone for the month my first baby would have been born. I have yet to add more birthstones for my other losses but I will probably do that in the future. It felt really nice to have that to remember my baby and to help me heal.