Movie Review: “Don’t Talk About the Baby”

Movie Review: “Don’t Talk About the Baby”

HopingForBaby.com Rating: 4 out of 5

Don’t Talk About the Baby” is a great documentary to watch if you’ve experienced Pregnancy and Infant Loss and you feel you are prepared to hear other people’s difficult stories. I believe sharing stories is so important for healing, especially sharing to others who understand. I’ve dealt with a lot of loss over the years and I believe I’ve developed more resiliency over time. This movie is great if you also feel you are at a point where you are mostly past the initial stages of grief. That is the only reason I gave it a 4 out of 5 rating because it may be too triggering for some viewers. 

I strongly believe in people sharing their story, but I personally choose to not tell everyone graphic details of the trauma of pregnancy loss. I believe this part of my story was best processed with a therapist or through journaling. I also believe expressing this through works of art can be therapeutic for others. Everyone processes their grief in their own way, so if you believe in fully expressing every aspect of your loss more power to you. If you find yourself easily triggered by traumatic details, I’d recommend taking that into consideration when you decide to watch this documentary. 

Don't talk about the baby

Image Source: princetonlibrary.org

 

On the flip side of that word of caution, I think this movie did an absolutely fantastic job of showing so many different stories of courage and hope. I felt a huge sense of connectedness to the women that were interviewed. I’ve watched a handful of other documentaries about infertility and IVF, but this one really touched my heart. There were several instances I just wanted to reach through the TV screen and hug the woman being interviewed. There was such a rawness with the emotions they shared, that takes an immense amount of courage. I find it hard sometimes to write some of my blog posts about my recurrent miscarriages, but I always feel better after I do.  My hope is maybe someone reading my posts might feel a little better knowing they are not alone during their struggles. I feel this film was created with this same spirit. 

I love how the documentary interviewed a variety of women who are at different points in their journey. Some are still deep in the emotions of their recent loss, others are a little further along, and some who have moved on from their loss and share their stories of how they healed. Another important aspect of this movie is that they take the time to interview multiple doctors who specialize in pregnancy and infant loss. The statistics they share may initially seem overwhelming to hear. But I believe the filmmaker’s intention was to emphasize that so many women experience this kind of loss and to show viewers they are definitely not alone. 

Finally, the subject that I found most important in this film is the need to fight the stigma of pregnancy and infant loss. There is a huge stigma in our culture around this type of loss. As our culture becomes more comfortable talking about the hard subject of pregnancy and infant loss the stigma will begin to fade away. One of the women in the film remembers how cancer actually had a stigma and some people would avoid talking about it. But over time more people openly talked about cancer which created more awareness. More awareness resulted in more funding for research. Now there is an immense amount of energy put into raising funds for cancer research and education today. All of that effort has lead to a greater understanding for the public to know when to get screened for cancer, helping to catch it early on and save more lives with treatment at just the right time. The film “Don’t Talk About the Baby” discusses our culture can do the same exact process of openly talking about pregnancy and infant loss just as we now openly talk about cancer today. 

That cultural shift can be duplicated with conversations about pregnancy and infant loss and maybe one day there won’t be as much of a stigma. The more people actually talk about it the more likely funding efforts will increase. Increased funding can allow for more research efforts to potentially find the causes to “unexplained infertility” which is said to account for up to 30% of pregnancy losses (Sadeghi, 2015). More research also needs to be put towards learning more about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Even the diagnosable conditions still have many questions surrounding what the root cause might be. It is incredibly important to increase research and educating the public to help prevent pregnancy and infant loss, and this includes  reducing the stigma.

Thank you for reading. 🙂

 

Today’s Question:

What have you done to help reduce the stigma of pregnancy and infant loss? Have you educated a family member or friend on this subject by sharing your story? 

Comment with your response to receive a bonus entry to the current contest.

 

Click here to watch “Don’t Talk About the Baby” on Amazon

 

Check out my previous posts by going to my archives page.

 

This post may contain affiliate links. You can read the disclosure here
Sources:
Featured Image: https://www.donttalkaboutthebaby.com/
Full Image of “Don’t Talk About the Baby” Poster: https://princetonlibrary.org/event/film-and-panel-discussion-dont-talk-about-the-baby/
Sadeghi, Mohammad Reza. “Unexplained infertility, the controversial matter in management of infertile couples.” Journal of reproduction & infertility vol. 16,1 (2015): 1-2.

Remembering My Babies on October 15th

Remembering My Babies on October 15th

This was the first year I participated in the October 15th event of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I had to work that night and chose not to go downtown to participate in the community event, but I took the time to do this at home. I didn’t even realize a new miscarriage and infant loss group had started up again in my city. That group organized the event downtown for October 15th. A few years back I went to one of those meetings but I was only one of two people, shortly after I went I got a letter in the mail saying that group had ended. Maybe I’ll start going to the new group. The other reason I didn’t go downtown for the October 15th events is that I didn’t feel like sharing that moment of remembrance with strangers. I’m sure it could have been nice for some people, but I felt like this first year of doing it would be more meaningful if I did it at home.

Several things happened on the 15th that were really difficult, I’ll address those in a future post. But for this post, I wanted it to focus on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I wanted to light a candle for each of my pregnancy losses and remember each of them individually. I decided to take some photos to remember today. After nearly four years of infertility and six miscarriages, I finally decided to take part in my own way at home. 

I used my Moroccan candle holder as the centerpiece, and put six tea light candles inside, each one representing one of my pregnancy losses. I lit each candle and took one minute between lighting each one to pause and remember each baby. I said a prayer for each one, each prayer slightly different than the last. There was something about this process that gave me a sense of peace and I could feel the heaviness in my heart lifting. 

 

Lighting the candles one-by-one, saying a prayer for each of my babies.

 

I have a temporary keepsake box (good ol’ shoebox) of my letters, cards, ultrasound pictures, and this little stuffed elephant. Eventually I will get a nice keepsake box. I bought this elephant with my first baby and gave it to Kurtis when I first shared my pregnancy news with him. Someday this little elephant will be cuddled, drooled on, squished, and dragged around by my future baby. I put flowers around the candle holder to add some color and bring a delicate beauty to the centerpiece. 

 

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Overall I found the experience to be more emotional and meaningful than I had anticipated. Some women choose to honor their baby on the day they would have been born. Initially I had done something like that but after six losses I honestly cannot remember the dates. I think part of that is that I was emotionally blocking out that info. I plan on contacting my doctor in the future to find out this info so I can either buy or create a necklace with the birthstones for each one. I have a necklace with a birthstone for my first pregnancy loss but I haven’t added on to it. I believe it would have been too overwhelming for me to honor each of my babies at six different times throughout the year on their would-be birthday. So the idea of doing it once a year on October 15th is easier on me emotionally. I think it’s important to remember our babies and the hope that they brought to our lives. Just as when someone comes to the end of their life it’s important to remember the good moments. I remember the good moments of announcing the pregnancy news to Kurtis, family, and friends. I remember seeing strong heartbeats on the ultrasound that I never imagined possible, I saw this two times. Those heartbeats were a sign of hope. 

 

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Writing a letter “To each of my babies in heaven.” Writing a letter to your baby, to God, or journaling your emotions and thoughts can help you process the loss and feel more at peace.

 

It’s important to take care of yourself emotionally. I think participating in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is a way to stay connected to our past and not forget how strong each of us really are. If you’ve experienced this kind of loss just know that you are not alone and there are so many others out there going through the exact thing you are. 

 

Comment below to Today’s Question and receive bonus entry to the current contest.

Today’s Question: 

If you’ve experienced pregnancy loss and/or infant loss, what healthy coping skills have you done to help you heal?

Thank you for reading. 

Catch up on past entries by clicking here for the archives page. 

ENTER TO WIN THE LATEST HOPINGFORBABY.COM CONTEST.

This post may contain affiliate links. You can read the disclosure here
Learn ways to improve your egg quality. Purchase Rebecca Fett’s book “It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF.” It’s currently the #1 Best Seller on Amazon.com’s Reproductive Medicine & Technology list.


Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day on October 15th

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day on October 15th

This post may contain affiliate links. You can read the disclosure here

pregnancy-infant-loss-remembrance-day

 

Did you know that October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day? In 1988 President Ronald Reagan declared the month of October to be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. President Reagan gave the following speech on the subject:

“When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.  This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.

Now, Therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities” (October15th.com, 2019).

 

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Years later in 2002, October 15th became the official day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. In 2004 the International Wave of Light is a global candlelight vigil, “Lighting begins at the International Date Line, in the first time zone, remaining lit a period of one hour, with the next time zone lighting respectively, moving through each time zone as the Wave of Light circumnavigates the globe. The result is a continuous chain of light encompassing and spanning across the world and around the globe for a 24-hour period, illuminating the night in love and light in honor and remembrance of our children” (Wikipedia, 2019). It is both a beautiful way to remember as well as feel a greater sense of connection to others who know exactly what you are going through.

 

5 Ways to Remember Your Baby

1) Light a single candle or one for each of your losses.

 

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2) Write a letter to your baby or journal your feelings.

 

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3) Share your story. Join a support group or talk with a friend you trust.

 

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4) Make a donation to a charity in your baby’s honor.

 

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5) Wear remembrance jewelry or clothing.

 

I have a necklace with simple silver wing with a diamond for the birthstone for the month my first baby would have been born. I have yet to add more birthstones for my other losses but I will probably do that in the future. It felt really nice to have that to remember my baby and to help me heal.

Jewelry

  

Baby Name Necklace – ROI – Dainty Feet Footprints Charm – Memorial Infant Loss Gift – 5/8 Inch Disc – Handstamped 14K Gold Filled Jewelry – Personalized Birthstone

 

 

Gold Angel Wing Necklace – ROI – Dainty Memorial Charm Gift – Delicate Loss Pearl – Handstamped Jewelry – Personalize Initial Crystal Color


 

 

Angel Baby Memorial Charm • Miscarriage Necklace • Tiny Winged Heart • Sterling Silver • Too Beautiful for Earth

 

 

Tiny Angel Wing Necklace – Dainty Silver or Gold Guardian Wing Necklace Minimalist Jewelry – Memorial, Miscarriage Infant Loss, First Communion Gift

 

 

GLAM ”Always in My Heart” Sentimental Quote Thin Brass Bangle Hook Mantra Bracelet

Clothing Items

TeesPass October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month Shirt Hoodie

 

Heart Blue Pink Ribbon Pregnancy Infant Loss Awareness T-Shirt

 

Mom of an Angel Shirt Infant Loss Grieving Mom Gift Gift for Mom Miscarriage Gift Gift for Grieving Mother Angel Mom Shirt

 

Angel Mommy T-Shirt. Miscarriage Awareness Infant Loss Tee

 

Daddy Of An Angel T-Shirt National Pregnancy and Infant Loss

 

Grandma Of A Little Angel Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Long Sleeve T-Shirt

 

Comment below to Today’s Question and receive bonus entry to the current contest.

Today’s Question: 

Have you participated in a Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness event? If so, how would you describe your experience?

Thank you for reading.

Catch up on past entries by clicking here for the archives page. 

ENTER TO WIN THE LATEST HOPINGFORBABY.COM CONTEST.

 

Learn ways to improve your egg quality. Purchase Rebecca Fett’s book “It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF.” It’s currently the #1 Best Seller on Amazon.com’s Reproductive Medicine & Technology list. 

 

 

Image Sources:

Featured Image:
https://www.funeralwise.com/digital-dying/october-15th-pregnancy-infant-loss-remembrance-day/
Wave of Light Image:
https://cmvaction.org.uk/news/baby-loss-awareness-week-9-15-october-2017
Woman Writing Image:
Photo by Negative Space from Pexels
Support Group Image:
https://fcionline.com/fertility-blog/monthly-infertility-support-group/
Donate Image:
https://www.kiplinger.com/article/taxes/T032-C001-S003-donate-your-rmd-tax-free-to-charity-in-2016.html
I Will Always Wonder Image:
https://handtohold.org/national-pregnancy-and-infant-loss-awareness-day/

 

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