(Entry written prior to posted date)
Date Written: 9/10/19
PLEASE READ FIRST: Although this pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, I still wanted to share my experience of this pregnancy. I wasn’t ready to talk about my pregnancy as it was happening, so I wrote this entry prior to the date it is posted.
Right now I’m in the middle of my 10th week and feeling extremely tired and nauseous. I threw up only one day so far, but six times in that single day. I’ve learned that I need to be constantly snacking on things every 3 hours or so in order to prevent nausea. Saltine crackers first thing in the morning has really helped me. I think that I do feel the worst in the morning but it doesn’t go away during the rest of the day either. My husband bought me some ginger root and ginger ale that I think has been helping me. I’ve been making ginger tea out of the ginger root.
I’ve never felt this tired in my life. Just totally wiped out and have zero motivation to get anything done around the house. If I’m not at work I’m a total couch potato at home. Speaking of potatoes, I’ve been craving them constantly! I must have some form of a potato daily. I haven’t been able to eat an entire meal lately because of the nausea, mostly half meals or smaller.
Last week I was waiting to hear back from the geneticist about whether I should take Lovenox and if there was anything else I needed to be taking for my specific type of MTHFR gene mutation. She said that I do not need to take Lovenox and that Methylated Folate and a Baby Aspirin should work fine for me. Please speak with your doctor about your specific treatment plan, don’t just follow mine. My geneticist talked to me about my particular MTHFR gene mutation, C677T heterozygous single variation, and said, “It’s fairly benign” and “it’s actually pretty common, with as many as 50% of the population having this kind.” I’ve heard this statistic about a large part of the population having it, but it was the first time I was told it was “fairly benign” which I guess is a good thing, but if it’s the main contributor to all my miscarriages I would not categorize it as “benign” at all. One of the definitions of benign is “not harmful.” I’d say this is pretty damn harmful. I guess we will find out for sure whether my Methylated Folate and Baby Aspirin is what finally makes the difference with this pregnancy.
I have my ultrasound this Friday and I am kind of stressed about it, most of my past ultrasounds are always bad news. I feel like I will absolutely be blown away if my pregnancy is still continuing to be healthy. I’m still shocked that I’ve made it to week 10 without any issues other than feeling nauseous. This is the first pregnancy where I’ve been incredibly nauseous which I hear is a good thing. One other difference about this pregnancy is I haven’t spotted at all, which I did in all my other ones I miscarried.
I decided to let my two supervisors and HR know about my pregnancy. It’s a little earlier than I was planning to do after the first trimester. But because I’ve been feeling so cruddy and it’s been somewhat affecting my work performance, I thought it would be better to speak up about it. I’m glad I did because shortly afterward one of my coworkers confronted me about not helping with a cleaning project. I felt like every smell in the building was about to make me projectile vomit. I figured by the end of the shift I’d start to feel better but I didn’t. So my attempt to clean would most likely have ended up with me also cleaning up my vomit. I figured some people would be grumpy with me not doing everything I normally do, but I’m not ready to announce my pregnancy. It just feels too early for me. Part of me wants to explain why I can’t lift heavy things and why I seem very immobile these days, but I want to protect my privacy a little longer from my coworkers.
Even if this ultrasound on Friday shows that everything is perfect, I’m still hesitant to share the good news. Although I originally planned to announce to everyone at the end of my first trimester, I kind of like keeping this to myself right now. If I lose the baby I’ll have to explain to so many people about it. And even if everything goes well, I don’t really want people asking me a lot of questions about the pregnancy. For now at least, I’m just not ready for that. I’m considering keeping it to myself until I start to show. I even had the idea to wait long enough until I’m clearly showing, then place my bets on who will ask me if I’m pregnant first. I think I might find that kind of entertaining, plus it will buy me some time to keep it to myself a little bit longer.
Thank you for reading.